I have left it so long since I last blogged, that I forget all of the trivial things that I wanted to mention. Hey, ho. Less fat, more lean.

I shall just witter about GuilFest 2004, if that is alright with you. And even if it isn’t. GuilFest was my first ever music festival experience, which is odd given the amount of gigs that I have been to. I have to say that, despite the obvious lack of wife, I enjoyed every minute of the festival.

Gratuitous links to the bands that to which I bore witness now follow [please hover over the links for my brief thought snippets]:

• Hot Club of Cowtown
• Simple Kid
• Blondie
• Rolf Harris (featuring Miss Given, ladies and Gentlemen!)
• Tim Booth And The Individuals
• Katie Melua
• Simple Minds
• The Ukulele Orchestra of Great Britain
• The Saw Doctors

I was in good company for the weekend, with oft-stars of this blog, Messrs. Dean and Mayes by my side. They picked us a good (if not slightly sloped) pitch. The slope didn’t prove too problematic. We were at the bottom of the camping site, which was great as we didn’t have hordes of people trekking past our tents at all hours in search of the amenities. I was very impressed with the quality of the plumbing facilities that were on offer at GuilFest. Hats off to the organisers there. I should have kept my hat on, mind, the forehead’s looking a tad red today!

A fine variety of rapid cuisine was available all weekend. I ate some of the finest Jerk Chicken (with hot pickled cucumber) that I have ever eaten. The rest of the food was good, too!

The highlight for me, was seeing Rolf live! That and hurtling groundwards at 60 miles per hour on the Wrigley’s Airwaves Drop Zone.

I’m quite keen that this will not have been my last music festival.

Sunday, Sunday, here again. So soon. I have to say that I have been so busy recently that his week has flown by. This has to be a good thing. Mrs J has been in Miami for four weeks now. In just under three weeks, my wife will be home. I hope the next three weeks pass as quickly as this one did.

Since I last blogged, construction work has commenced at Johnsy Towers. I say ‘construction’, Given that to date this has involved digging a large hole just outside the main entrance and half-filling said aperture with cement and removing the shelter that once protruded from the front of the building: perhaps I should have said ‘destruction’. Progress could best be described as slow. In the original scheme of things, the Porsche porch was meant to be built by now. It don’t expect that the cement will be long dry by the time my wife returns.

On Tuesday night, of course, I was up at Piccadilly Circus with long-time chum James Casey, whom I bumped into by chance while awaiting a cancelled train at East Croydon Station. We made our way up to the City to join a reported half-a-million other people watching the spectacle that was Formula 1 Comes to Regent Street. From our position, we got to see six out of the eight drivers. These were:

1. Nigel Mansell in the Jordan
2. Cristiano da Matta in the Toyota
3. Luca Badoer in the Ferrari
4. Jenson Button in the BAR
5. Zsolt Baumgartner and Kylie Flynn in a two-seater Minardi
6. DC in the McLaren
7. Juan Pablo Montoya in the WilliamsF1
8. Martin Brundle in the Jaguar

I was saddened to hear that Minardi’s Sporting Director, John Walton, died shortly after this tremendous event. My sympathies go to his family, his many friends in the pit-lane and his partner, Louise Goodman.

Today, of course, is the Grand Prix of Great Britain, an event to which I always look forward.

While I go away and do all the things that I need to do before the race, I shall leave you with a link to the excellent Lego films. A couple of which have been linked to else where of late!

From the television coverage, this afternoon, it looks like a beautiful day in the Loire Valley. Just under an hour ago, now, a large number of particularly fast four-wheeled machines started speeding their way around one of the greatest and most celebrated circuits in the world: Le Mans.

Twelve short months ago, I was there watching the famous 24-hour race with some of my friends and family. Watching the start of today’s race from the sofa convinced me that I shall be there again next year. It’s a bug, I tell you. Once you have been there once and experienced the wonders of watching some of the World’s finest drivers doing battle on the track in the glorious beasts that compete at Le Mans, you just have to go back for more. It’s not just the race, though, dear reader. Oh no! The whole ambience of Le Mans is indescribable. Hundreds and hundreds of motorsports enthusiasts all gathered together, ogling each others’ cars. Egging drivers to do burn-outs in their cars as they pass by. And just general good spirit. Oh yes! I shall return.

Today, though, I have been setting up webcams and microphones to facilitate transatlantic marital communications over the forty-something days and nights ahead.

Tomorrow, as Mrs Johns is curled up on the aeroplane with a good book, I shall be curled up on the sofa watching the end of the aforementioned endurance race, followed by the Canadian Grand Prix.

Meep meep.

According to the clock on the laptop, it’s nearly four o’clock in the morning. Oddly enough, it was at half-past four when the alarm went off this morning. Now we have to start convincing our bodies that the clock on the laptop is correct, despite the fact that the sun is shining through the aeroplane window. This afternoon we shall be landing in London, marking the end of our holidays. If the first three quarters of an hour of this flight are anything to go by, I shall have bruises all over my coccyx, as the diminutive lady behind me seems to have very hard and very active knees.

The PA (which keeps interrupting the comedy channel, to which I am trying to listen and now interrupting this blog entry) informs me that it is now lunchtime. I guess it is noon in the city from where we departed.

The flight is also pretty turbulent. I guess the chances of me sleeping, in order that I may help my body adjust to British Summer Time are slim. If you happen to see me this Bank Holiday weekend, then I apologise in advance if I am cranky.

The PA has just interrupted again, in at least two different languages, Jasper Carrott doesn’t sound as funny when you can only hear the punchlines. The caption on my wife’s screen tells her that the entertainment has been paused, while there’s an announcement in another part of the cabin. She does not get to hear the announcement, alas.

I cannot believe that three whole weeks have past since the two of us were sitting in the departure lounge of London Heathrow Airport, the entire trip ahead of us. In no time at all we’ll be at home, opening little brown window envelopes, sorting laundry and contemplating going back to work. Not to say I’m not looking forward to being back home, mark you. It will be good to be back in our own bed, in charge of our own diets and back in the old routine. I haven’t swum in what seems like an eternity. I’m very much looking forward to getting back in the pool. I also have bought plenty of bits and pieces containing electronic circuitry, so I’m looking forward to playing with those on our return!

So… what have we been up to since I last wrote?

I cut my last blog entry short, and I’ve lost my train of thought, now, so we’ll call that complete, shall we?

tk arrived home from the office and took us to to a local izakaya, a kind of Japanese pub, that sells food. These places are often frequented by the office workers of the city, where they socialise and generally chew the fat. Our host chose a selection of dishes for us, and we got stuck into a few glasses of the wonderful brews that Japan has to offer. The food was superb. Later, S joined us. He had been working late, as per usual. Having all caught up on the day’s events, consumed a fine repast and a few ales, we made our way to the local karaoke bar. Alas, Wednesday evening marked the start of Golden Week, a national holiday, so the rooms were all full. K didn’t get a chance to experience true Japanese "empty orchestra" on this visit, so there’s another excuse for us to return soon.

On Thursday, we made our way to Hayama. tk and S’s employer has a flat there that is available to employees for a nominal fee. A very nice flat, it is too. It is right on the coast and, we were delighted to discover, provides a wonderful view, across the water, of the gloriously snow-capped Mount Fuji.

We spent the afternoon on the beach with our friends, S’s boss, associated wife and two cute daughters. Said Japanese girls, aged six and nine, entertained us, later in the day, with their knowledge of English nursery rhymes. On the beach we set up a pair of barbecues and a pair of picnic tables and proceeded to cook and eat a scrumptious assortment of all manner of meat and seafood; accompanied, of course, by plenty of Biru.

Our last full day in Japan was spent in the historic city of Kamakura, not far from Hayama. I had been there once before, in June 2001 and recall how much I enjoyed my time there. This visit was no different. The enormous temples and gigantic Daibutsu that you see in Kamakura are unlike anything I have seen anywhere else in the World. I’m sure when I eventually get to visit other parts of Japan, I shall be equally impressed by the sights available.

Last night, we were treated to a top-notch Chinese meal, in the company of tk’s father. Following on from the restaurant where the Webb-Ellis Cup-winning England side ate in Sydney, the restaurant in question was where 2002’s Football World Cup-winning Brazilian team dined. We ate a whole host of oriental dishes, including shark’s fin soup and crab’s claw, which neither my wife nor I had eaten before; both of which were delicious!

Sadly, our trip draws to a close. I may write some more about it in the days and weeks to come, depending on how they pan out. Right, now though, I’m going to attempt to get a few hours’ sleep.

To the three families who so generously provided us with accommodation and who gave up so much of your own time to entertain and educate my wife and I over the past three weeks, I just want to say, once more how grateful we are. We look forward to welcoming you at an English airport in the not-too-distant future and returning the favour! Thank you.

It’s so good to be back in Tokyo. I’m sitting in friend TK’s living room. He and his Dad have kindly put us up for our stay here. S met us at the airport yesterday morning and, after a brief stop-off at his flat, where we met his wife and seven-month-old son, provided us with a tour of the shopping suburbs of Japan’s capital city.

One of the shopping areas that we covered was Electric City, where I picked up a number of accessories for my new toy. When I get back to the UK, I shall have plenty to play with! We also had a wonder around the Sony Tower. Now here’s a place for gadget-lovers everywhere. We saw some very cool digital cameras (minute) and Mini Disc players (platinum-plated). K enjoyed herself playing with the Eye-Toys and I developed a desire for their PSX machine.

Last night we joined S and N (and Baby R), at the restaurant where two years (to the day) previously, they celebrated their wedding. TK was also there. We had a lovely meal with some fine wines and a wonderful desert, to celebrate the second wedding anniversary.

K (whose grasp of Nihon-go is increasing rapidly and will soon be putting mine to shame) and I were left to our own devices today. We took the opportunity to navigate the Tokyo subway and rail systems. Our first port-of-call was the World Trade Center. We took the lift to the fortieth floor to experience th sights. Alas, while were were up there the elements decided to assure us that we had been really very lucky while we were in the Southern Hemisphere and a heavy downpour ensued, reducing the visibility. While we couldn’t see Mt. Fuji in the distance or get a decent photo of the Tokyo Tower (a television transmitter), we did get to see some good views of this busy city. We sat at the top and took out the guide book (we like the Lonely Planet series) to decide where to go next.

Ueno presented itself as a good place to visit, with lovely parks, museums and a five-storey pagoda. We found our way there without any problem and wandered around the market-filled streets. After a bite to eat, we meandered through the park and to the museum.

Time really does fly when you’re having fun. This is our last morning in Australia and I’m sat, once more, at the patio table at B and M’s house. B is barbecuing breakfast for the six of us and it smells delicious. K is stowing the wine for our passage back to the Northern Hemisphere. A good opportunity for me to write about the past few days. I have been very slack both with the laptop and the camera over the past few days, which is a shame.

M’s uncle has just reached the ripe young age of seventy years. His family organised a party for him in their home town of Gunnadah, to which my wife and I were kindly invited.

Gunnadah is a fair distance from here. Probably about five hours drive, or thereabouts. N and M wisely suggested that we break up the journey by stopping off in Australia’s famous Hunter Valley, to take in a couple of wineries and (more importantly) their produce!

Three wineries we visited: Macguigan’s, Pepper Tree and Keith Tulloch. At each of these we sampled a wide range of wines, but it was only at the latter of them that we seemed to enjoy every sample as much as the last. Perhaps this was because the tasting was so much more relaxed: we were sitting in comfy chairs in a first floor room with an almost three-hundred-and-sixty degree panorama of the Hunter Valley, with Keith Tulloch among us explaining about how each of the wines were made and discussing the subtle differences between Australian and French wine-making.

We arrived in Gunnadah some hours later, with M’s father. Our hosts had booked us all into a lovely motel, which was conveniently situated a few metres away from the venue for the evening’s event. The birthday celebrations went off without a hitch and some of M’s uncle’s many friends and relations took the microphone during and after a scrumptious meal, to tell stories about the past seventy years. I was very pleased to be there.

The following morning, which was very sunny, we were all invited to an early breakfast at M’s uncle’s house. Over barbecued sausages, bacon, eggs, mushrooms, etc., we chatted with some of the people we had met the night before, who were all keen to hear about where we were from and what we did. They were a very friendly bunch. M’s father insisted that when we return to New South Wales that we gave him some notice and that he would spend two weeks showing us the real Australia! M’s Uncle made me promise that I’d come to his next 70th birthday and that I would bring royalty with me. I’ll be working on that when I get back!

We made our way back to suburban Sydney via Newcastle (driving through Hexham and Stockton!), which is on the coast and has a number of shipyards. It’s a very pretty town with gorgeous long beaches and great hills for flying kites and so forth. Mrs Johns seemed to think that this would be a good place to live. Also on the journey home, we met N’s horse, Cover Girl.

Nearly a day has passed since I started typing these words. We have just had a very early breakfast up above the clouds on Qantas flight twenty-one to Tokyo.

We spent yesterday saying goodbye to the marsupials of Australasia and also to our friends who had made us feel so welcome and so at home on our visit to Australia. We also spent a fair amount of time shopping. I shall be writing more about my favourite purchase at a later point in time. Suffice to say that it is rechargeable, holds 40Gb of music files, is made by a company named after something that grows on trees and was 75% of the retail price at home :-)

As the sun rises in the land of the rising sun, I’m getting excited about the next four days that we’ll be spending there. We land in Tokyo in just over an hour. After we have collected our baggage and didgeridoo, we will be met by my old friend S, who has spent a lot of time arranging things for us to do during our short stay. Today is S’s second wedding anniversary, so we’re especially grateful for him getting up at ludicrous o’clock to pick us up at Narita Airport.

More exciting updates later, I’m sure!

The ferry journey from nearby Parramatta to Cirular Quay, at the heart of New South Wales was wonderful. It doesn’t matter how many different angles I see the Sydney, the Opera House or Harbour Bridge from, I still look on it and think, "wow!"

Today was a fairly relaxed day. We mooched around, taking in the sights that Sydney has to offer, at our own pace. First stop was Darling Harbour, in the blazing sun. From there we took the monorail to Pitt Street and meandered down through Hyde Park to Saint Mary’s Cathedral. The colourful King’s Cross was our next stop, taking in the views of the hotel that I stayed in last time: it’s surrounded in netting as a conversion is underway. Next time we visit Sydney, it will be a luxurious apartment block!

On our way back to the train, we wandered through Woollamooloo. No sign of a university there, alas, never mind a Bruce-infested philosophy department. Bugger!

It’s now dark (these sunsets don’t last long), which means that it’s Friday night. Time for me to put the laptop to bed, methinks!

I think it’s high-time I filed an update. I haven’t touched the laptop for a couple of days, now.

After typing my last blog entry, we went out for some Japanese food. I’ve had Japanese food before, but (as the photos we took show), Ichi Ban Teppenyaki in Parramatta is very different to your average Japanese restaurant abroad. A chef comes and cooks your meal on the hotplate in your table, before serving it to you by throwing at you: eggs, rice, the lot! Our chef really was a great sport and made the evening a lot of fun for us!

Tuesday was to be the day that we would go and climb the mighty arches that define the most prominent landmark in Sydney: The Sydney Harbour Bridge. We got given a slot at precisely the time that we had in mind, which left some time in the morning to grab a tasty lunch at Sam’s in The Rocks and take a look inside (and on top of) the South-East Pylon of the bridge. Mrs Johns was particularly excited to see the Tyne Bridge’s big brother, which was engineered in Middlesbrough.

Having been breathalysed, dressed up in a grey suit that would not look out of place in Spock’s wardrobe, had sunglasses and a cap attached to our suits, climbed and descended the "simulator" and been issued with a radio, we were told that there would be a brief delay. After the brief delay, we were informed that we would not be climbing due to a road traffic authority decree. We were later to learn that there had been a bomb threat.

To their credit, the BridgeClimb staff were very good and helped us rearrange our climb for yesterday afternoon. We made the most of the couple of hours that we now had free that afternoon to go up the Sydney Tower (it was a day for high things) and mooch around the City.

We caught the twilight o’clock ferry to Manly, to meet our hosts for dinner. We were taken to the Ribs and Rump Grill at Manly Beach. This is, we learned, one of the establishments that Martin Johnson and his band of merry men frequented when they were Down Under last November. There were autographs, photographs and signed shirts on display. My favourite was the one by Jason Leonard who declared that the Mixed Grill beat him. I spotted this after polishing off an entire mixed grill. Stick that over your touchline and convert it!

Anyway, yesterday, we got to do the bridgeclimb. The weather was great and the conditions were perfect. Three-and-a-half of your Earth hours, it takes from the time you check in ‘til the time you get presented with a certificate to say that you’ve survived climbing the Eastern arch to it’s peak, crossing the eight traffic lanes and then descending the Western arch. I forget how tall the arches are in metres, now, but one statistic did stick in my mind: four-and-a-half seconds! Not one for those with a fear of heights. Oh no! Astounding views of one of the most beautiful cities in the world.

Also on yesterday’s agenda was the taking of compulsory tourist shots of a certain opera house. Very nice it is too.

We would up the day with Aussie mate, Sean. He filled us in on the last couple of years over a few schooners of Toohey’s Old and a meal in Chinatown. It’s always good to catch up with him.

Now… if you’ll excuse me, we have a ferry to catch…

A brief pause in the day in between visiting the breathtakingly magnificent Blue Mountains and heading into Sydney for an evening meal provides me with the opportunity to record a word or two!

N will be back from the office shortly, then we will be off out for the evening. M’s office is the back room of his in-laws’ house. He has been telecommuting to Horsham (West Sussex), since he moved back from England, last year!

The barefoot author sits in the evening cool on the patio of N’s parents’ house, the site of last night’s fantastic barbecue: steaks and prawns, mushrooms and hash browns. We also had some lovely smoked mullet, fresh salad and the finest home-brewed beer I have ever tasted, as we caught up with M and N. We are surrounded by fruit trees and vines. I can see lemons, oranges, grapefruit and grapes growing in green-fingered B’s garden.

Australian hospitality really is overwhelmingly good! In Perth, we were provided with lovely accommodation, tasty meals, superb day-trips and, of course, fine company. Our time in New South Wales looks like being every bit as good, it has to be said.

B and M (N’s parents for those not in the know), not only make fine home brews and a comfortable guest room, but also ensure that their guests get a personal guided tour of the Blue Mountains. The scenery at 1000m, above the eucalyptus and gum trees, is absolutely awesome.

On our tour of the Blue Mountains, we visited the towns of Katoomba, Blackheath and Lithgow. Wonderfully peaceful towns with views that would make it so easy to get up in the morning. We saw scenic railway lines and orchard after orchard. We really are in a fruit-growing region, here.

In the skies again! Days seem to be passing at more than the recommended 60 mph (minutes per hour) rate, I tell you!

Travelling isn’t so bad, y’know? I know a lot of people who don’t like flying, but long-haul flights are pretty fun. Unless, of course, you get the same film (say, Stuck on You) on every leg of your journey! Other than that, though, it’s pretty good; you get to press a little button and a nice lady or a camp gentleman will deliver you beer. The sun is likely to be over the yard-arm in either your departure point or at your destination! Aeroplane food isn’t so bad, either; the portions may not be the largest, but you get three courses in a tiny little tray. Plus about three drinks. These, I guess are to encourage you to walk to the back of the ‘plane and back, from to-to-time.

And so Perth is a tiny spot on the horizon to our rear. We’ve said our farewells to T and A, who have been wonderful. I’m sure it won’t be long before we see them again, whichever hemisphere we happen to be in at the time.

In a couple of hours’ time, we’ll be meeting up with more friends on the opposite coast of this vast country. We’re staying with M‘n’N at N’s parents’ house, to the North of Sydney, NSW. It’ll be great to see them. N and I worked together at $PETES_EMPLOYER-1, until the time came for her and M to move home to get married. I’ve only met M a couple of times, but we got on like the proverbial burning residence.

I’m also looking forward to being back in Sydney. Last time I was there with R and M we saw lots, but I still feel like I have so much more to see. Mrs J and I intend to do the whole bridge-climb thang. Apparently at the top of Sydney Harbour Bridge there is a stamp that reads, "Made In Middlesbrough", so we have to witness that. N’s Dad has kindly offered to take us walking in the Blue Mountains. The Blue Mountains are among the most scenic places I have ever been, so we’re both very much looking forward to doing some walking in between all of those lovely-smelling eucalyptus trees.

I’ve come up with a solution to the poor quality audio problem that I seemed to be suffering from during the first leg of this trip: I need to buy an iPod. They’re nearly £100 cheaper in WA than they are in the UK. If I find a similarly-priced one in NSW (or perhaps Tokyo, if I can wait that long), then I shall go for it. The batteries should last for longer on a flight than this ‘ere laptop, which I have to say is serving me very well. I promise I’ll let K have it back when we arrive back in England, though ;-)

Technology is great, isn’t it? Last night, I took some pictures of the City by night. Within minutes, they were on the laptop and a few minutes later, they were online for my friends on the other side of the planet to marvel at. I heart the Internet!

Are we there yet!?