K and I have been together for nearly ten years now and have been married for seven of these. One question that we seem to get asked with increasing frequency and increasing volume is "When are you two having kids?"

This is a blog post about that: I started thinking about how to write this while we were in England last July for my brother's wedding.

"When are you two having kids?" we we were asked many times last June. I'm not sure why this question was so foremost in our friends' minds while we were in the UK, but it seemed to be paramount in the thoughts. I had lost count of the number of times I was asked "When are you two having kids?" by the time we boarded the aeroplane to Dubai. We occasionally were asked were we going to have kids, but it was when that seemed to be the question of the month.

We had decided about eighteen months before this visit that, perhaps, to have a small family of our own would make for an even happier future than the one that already lay ahead. We'd not announced this, however. The bedroom window had been open at a suitable angle for a year and a half but there having been no sign of a stork thus far. The best answer I could give at this juncture was, "we don't know."

"When are you two having kids?"

The question whirred around in my mind a lot while we were overseas. I wondered what kind of answers people were expecting...

For some people, those that have decided that they don't like children or those who are concerned about over-populating the planet, then the answer is easy and obvious.

For a couple undergoing assistance for conception, then then answer might not be quite what the inquisitor wants to hear: Oh, is that the time? Do excuse us. We should be busy opening the window for the stork. Or something.

Perhaps they expect us to say, "Oh, didn't we tell you?"

K and I have often shared much, perhaps too much, of our lives with our friends via the Internet: photographs, tweets, blogs, email and so on. Do our friends seriously expect that we would have neglected to mention the fact that we're expecting a baby? Come on, people!

Since we have returned from our twelve week scan, I suppose now might be the appropriate time to share such a piece of information. I am absolutely delighted to announce that about the third week in July we expect to have a third (and only a third) member of the Johns household.

You may recall that back in January I deleted my Facebook account. The main reason for doing so was to free up more time. To be honest with you, haven't found that I have had that much spare time in the months that followed. I didn't miss Facebook at all and most people didn't even realise I had deleted my account. So that was nice.

Unfortunately, what I hadn't reckoned on was that Kirsty would become a Pete Proxy for many people's words and pictures and that was a bit of a pain. Neither had I counted on the fact that some people would discontinue their blogs and opt for Facebook notes instead. And I like to nosey into my friends' lives in my RSS reader!

Despite the plethora of ways to contact me electronically (listed here), it transpired that I was an e-outcast, a social e-leper without a Facebook account.

While I was off work sick on Monday, I did the unthinkable and signed up for a new account, the main reason being so that Kirsty is no longer the Proxy Pete.

So now that I am "back" what does this mean? Well, hopefully it'll mean that I'm a bit easier to keep in touch with for those of you who don't "do" email or Twitter or Skype or blogs or whatever.

There are a couple of RSS feeds to which I can subscribe to see my friends notes and any notifications that may concern me. Direct messages come straight to my inbox, so I can reply to those as a normal email, which will continue to be my preference for such things. Adium, my instant messaging application of choice, "talks" directly to Facebook, so I can use the inbuilt messaging without having to visit the webpage, which is, frankly, brilliant. My status updates will come from Twitter integration, my photographs directly from Flickr and my "notes" are just my long-running blog delivered to Facebook via RSS. If only I could still view your status updates in my RSS reader!

So the workflow of using Facebook shouldn't take up as much time as it did with my previous account. That's the theory anyway. You can help minimise the time I waste on Facebook by not sending me applications or group requests. That would be great! Thank you so much.

It's nice to be back in touch, it really is. I just wish there was another way. Perhaps I should open a pub...

I woke up this morning [insert blues riff here] and it was October. Seriously! We've only just had Easter and it's October already! I'm not sure how these things happen without my approval, but there we go.

Lots of cool stuff is going to happen in October, I am sure, but the one you need to know about right now is that my ever-delightful wife Kirsty is going to be walking 10,000 steps each day this month. Probably 40,000 steps in reality because her pedometer only seems to register every fourth step! Perhaps there will be a request coming in for a new iPod Nano in the next week or so.

I'm not quite sure how she is going to manage this feat as there are only so many hours in a day, but I'm sure she'll do it. If you know Kirsty, you'll know that water is one thing she is very passionate about and this challenge is for Walk 4 Water 2009 for WaterAid Australia.

WaterAid enables the world's poorest people to gain access to safe water, sanitation and hygiene education. These basic human rights underpin health, education and livelihoods and form the first essential step in overcoming poverty.

The reason that you need to know about this is because Kirsty needs your support. You can sponsor Kirsty and her friends by going to http://www.everydayhero.com.au/beca and following the instructions. I know she will appreciate your support and I do too.

Thank you.

Just a little something that may come in handy in the future (for my reference, rather than yours), a Python one-liner for converting an ASCII string to hexadecimal pairs.

As you were...

I seem to be getting a lot of phishing emails of late. Most spam and other abusive email gets caught by SpamAssasin but occasionally some slips through the nets and into my inbox. I don't like spam, I never reply to spam, I never use any URLs or click any hyperlinks in a spam email and I never, ever buy anything advertised via spam.

If you were to ask me what is the best thing to do with spam, I would usually answer to simply ignore it, delete it and move on with your life. Life is too short.

Of course I rarely follow my own advice. I can often spend a few minutes looking at the email headers to detect from where the spam originated and using WHOIS I will forward the email (including the vital headers) to the Internet service provider or network administrator infroming (or perhaps confirming) that a server on their network is sending spam and leave them to deal with it. If the email is a phishing one, then I'll usually copy in the Anti-Phishing Working Group in the report. I'm yet to fully automate this process.

Usually the responses I get to these reports are automated, but occasionally I get them from real network administrators who seem genuinely grateful and who act upon them. This week I had one after reporting abuse of a Live Hotmail account. I'm really not sure if this is from a real person or not. I'll let you decide:

    Hello Pete,





    Thank you for writing to Windows Live Hotmail Customer Support. My name
    is Antonette and I understand that you are concerned about the message
    you have received involving the v....@msn.com account. I can only
    imagine how inconvenient this may be for you and I understand how
    important it is to resolve your concern as soon as possible.



    Pete, I have checked the v....@msn.com account and found that it is
    already closed due to violation of our Terms of Use.



    You can view our rules and regulations by visiting http://tou.live.com/



    We appreciate your continued support as we strive to provide you with
    the highest quality service available. Thank you for patience and
    understanding on this matter.





    Sincerely,





    Antonette C.

    Windows Live Hotmail Customer Support

Email at this domain seems to be broken presently. Administrators have been informed. By email. Hmmm...

Meanwhile, should you need to contact me, please use any of the alternative methods offered on my contact page.

More news as it happens, presuming I'm awake when it does. Which is looking unlikely, given the time.

Update: Wed Jul 22 07:54:29 EST 2009

Spam and ham seem to be flowing beautifully again. As you were...

Hello there!

Three years ago today I took a trip back to the UK. My first since we've lived in Australia. I documented that day with a series of photographs. Some of you also contributed to this little portfolio. We should do that again sometime.

We're now readying ourselves for our third trip back. As per the first and the previous occasion, there will be a wedding involved in this visit. Actually, there shall be two: one of K's school-friends and my brother. Needless to say I'm looking forward to both.

Absence does make the heart grow fonder. It has been two-and-a-half years since we were last in England and we're both looking forward to spending some time with our friends and our families. The impending trip has been coming up in conversations daily for a few weeks now.

This weekend we spent a lot of time with friends that we've made during our time in Melbourne. When we got home last night I said to K that it was if these friends wanted to remind us of how much we love living in Melbourne and not to go staying in England! I'm sure that's not the case.

Anyway, if you're in England, and you fancy a pint of real beer or a vindaloo (one where the waiter doesn't ask you if you would like that 'mild', 'medium' or 'hot'), do drop us a line and we shall let you know our schedule.

Goodnight!

Following my rant about the Melbourne Grand Prix, I find this in the commentage mailbox:

Any FF1 league this year? Tom

Every year, I set up a Fantasy Formula 1 Grand Prix League over at ff1gp.com. This year is no exception and the Murray's Mint league is up and running. If you wish to partake, you need to enter the magic word, 'sensises' to add your team to the league.

Appropriately, last year's league winner is from Stevenage. Michelle, I'll post your prize this week.

Last week I read speculation the State Government will face record losses of up to $50 million on this year's Australian Grand Prix. Last year there was a $40 million loss and $35 million the previous year. I'm appalled by that, really and truly.

I'm a Formula 1 fan and have been for many years. Each year since I've been here I've gone along to the Melbourne Grand Prix and had a great time. I've also encouraged others to go. This year The Who are playing after the main race, which should drag in some extra fans.

This year, I have been putting off buying my tickets for the race weekend. Due to saving my annual leave allowance for the trip back to the UK later in the year I shall not be going for the four-day grandstand passes that I bought the previous two years. I do want to go along to the Saturday and Sunday, though, and I'd like to pay the extra for grandstand tickets to get a better view. Being next to the grid when the full complement of Formula 1 cars rev their engines for the start of the race is an amazing experience. K wants to join me on the Sunday this year, but that's more about the after-race gig than motorcars driving in circles around Albert Park Lake.

Today I went to the temporary Ticktek outlet that has been erected in City Square to buy some tickets. The guy at the counter asked "Who's Next?" I said I'd like to buy two grandstand tickets for me and one for "My Wife" (did you see what I did there?).

He told me that I could only buy grandstand tickets for the whole four days. Now, I could take two days off work at a real push, but there is no way K would want to spend four days at the circuit. No way. I explained my predicament and he said "I know" in a manner suggesting that he'd heard a million other potential customers air the same complaint but there was nothing he could do about it. I want to see the race and so if the only way I can see it live with K is with the cheaper general admission tickets then that is what I shall have to do. I asked for these and he told me that the booking system was down. I walked away.

I am so angry with Australian Grand Prix Corporation right now, I am seriously considering boycotting the race. I wonder how much of the huge annual deficits could have been cut by firstly having ticket booking systems that work during office lunch breaks but also by not having such tedious restrictions on the sale of grandstand tickets. No doubt Australian Grand Prix Corporation will end up giving these tickets away so that the stands are full for the television cameras on race-day.

Frankly, I hope Melbourne loses the grand prix. I'd rather see my tax dollars go to people more deserving: the homeless of Melbourne, the hospitals or the schools. Anyone other than Australian Grand Prix Corporation!

Presumably referring to this blog entry, a reader asks...

What? You test your code? If it compiles ship it. If it doesn't then comment out the bits that error and try again! Let Dodginess rule!?!

Of course I test my code. How else do I know it's right? Not testing my code would be like filling out a su doku grid with random numbers and declaring it complete.

On the subject of my recent shave, a reader shares...

Hmmm I reckon the arms and chest should be waxed as well... it is for a good cause!

Ah... sadly I read this too late. Maybe next time.

Allegedly apropos this entry a reader declares...

Very nice site!

It's not that nice really. Neither are the spelling or grammar in the following email received from our property managers in the UK:

Dear Pete

I am asking my contractors for there advise on the situation as soon as I have this I will let you no.

Kind Regards

Ssssss Tttttt
Property Managment

How embarrassment!